Oblivion Dimension of Eternal darkness Mach II

Morning LJ

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 14:21:00 GMT

It seems I am going to need to vent a little as i intend to change my life in a very serious manner. Heh, let us see how this should go...For a brief overview of my latest life events i am taking a symester off from school to enjoy the finer things in life. AKA Work, travel, martial arts. I am really hoping that this time i am taking for myself will help me truly find what it is in life i am searching for. I realized last symester that i am truly at a point in my life that i can't just be jumping from point A to point B. I don't really know what i am going to do in life, and i am really confused as to what i really want in life at the same time. Or even if life is what i want. Hah that sounded bad, however it's not meant that way. So it begins. And hopefully with the help of my Astounding girlfriend I can keep my goals in sight. If not i am bound to this world as blind as most. My 4th of July really made me happy, a word i seldom use anymore but it truly did no matter how many times i have been to a fireworks spectacle i usually only think about how much i love explosives , and how much i hate the good majority of Americans. But there was something dare i say enjoyable, about the evening, I really love this girl which worries me dramatically, I know she can read this but knowing her she may not. I worry that i have finally fallen in love for real. As much as i want to say i have before there was always this feeling that they truly were only saying they loved me not actually meaning it, or in some others cases not even showing me any attention. But actions definately show how you feel and Stacey goes out of her way pretty much every day just to see my ass. But i will elaborate more later... I am off to go to Mai Tai and Jamaican Stick Fighting now. Mwahaha.

Yawn

Fri, 06 May 2005 18:44:05 GMT

Another day, another yawn so it seems. I just stayed up and watched the midnight matinee of the new Kingdom of Heaven movie. Oh my good gracious god...If you haven't seen this yet...Don't waste time...Get to the movie theatre buy some expensive popcorn maybe a drink, sit down and watch traffic pass by because this movie was probably less stimulating. I mean i honestly could have had more fun watching all my x girlfriends fight to the death with little more than shovels and icepicks... then again who wouldnt want to see that. Holy crap that is an awesome idea! Nah, too many lawsuits not enough blood. Anyway, I am now 96 pages into my writing, and god do i feel like it sucks. I suppose all writers feel that way, but have you ever talked for an entire day and been overly verbose and patted yourself on the back for it. Well yeah, I was having one of those days today until I sat down to write and my mind did one of the whole see spot run, run spot run, ordeals. It aggrivated me to say the least. Oh well, nonetheless thats what editors are for. I start teaching M. Arts again if i want later next month my choice or either Begginer Tai-chi or Advanced Jitsu. I am not sure which one i want to teach but its $15/student x 22 kids per lesson x 30 lessons = ::Smirk:: Woot! Meanwhile back at the livejournal. I really want to go camping sometime soon because my last trip got turned from a Backpacking trip in NH to a Burlingame trip down here. FUCK S**an Blu*! Yawn. I would appreciate if a few people answered this question if noone minds, Has anyone ever had a dream about seeing there own funeral? Or even your own death? I don't mean waking up before you die i mean actually dying? I dont know i just had one of those. Creeeeeepy. 's all good. I guess i will get back to writing. Later y'all

Reply To destiny.

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 21:00:46 GMT

Haha....I never check this damn thing ever, but you do have a good question. However I will do the best i can to try and answer it. Depending on your belief structure every culture has a different belief. So I will stick to destiny as you so put in the aspect of Buddhist destiny and then into Christian Destiny. Just for you Melissa. And also for my anonymous friend who frightneningly remains ambiguous(or cowardly). To describe the reality of such a concept as destiny one must first realize what Destiny really is. Detiny is defined as: The inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined; one's lot. I apoligize if you already knew this however, i assume some do not. So to clarify an easier way to look at it would be the power or agency thought to predetermine events. So from here your question was is there any reality in destiny. In its simplist form there can only be reality in destiny depending on if you believe in destiny. Put it this way if you were brought up with the knowledge and teachings of destiny, which in Buddhist lifestyle adapts itself to every aspect of life there is nothing but destiny. Everything in life is Destined so as to keep a close eye of control on a population dedicated to serving an Emperor. What i mean is that Buddhist destiny is interlocked with karma and cannot be ignored. For example I am in a war and kill a man in hand to hand combat. It is regarded as karma for some past endeavor on his behalf. What goes around comes around, right? However it was also seen as that mans destiny to die, conversely it was my destiny to kill him. Now then, with that said why would someone believe this? This is widely thought to be believed because is it not much easier to explain to the wife and children by the wife of the soldier that died why it happened. Example "He died because it was Karma. You shall die when you die as well when it is your destiny to die..." So I believe with out writing a ten page novel i have answered that question melissa. Now for you Mister or Mistress Anonymous. (rereading the question) A cute notion but think logically. If you were able to see your, as you so pefectly put, course predetermined could you then stray from it? Well now seeing as though i can tell someone has been watching Donny Darko. I will answer with that mindset. Destinys path is interestingly explained by Llama Surya Das a stream or flow that cannot be changed or seen and even if it could the person would not undestand what he or she was to do in the situation until they did something that would already be their unfolding thier destiny. For Example Dony Darko being lead by a spear of destiny to a handgun. Now you would think that because you saw the spear you could go a seperate way from it. For example it aims straight and you turn left ignoring the spear. That there would Nullify destiny theorum leaving it shattered. However I believe that the concept of the Darko Spear was meant to make you believe that he didnt have another choice but to follow it. You don't know we werent told what he was thinking or his options were. So yes if you saw the spear and you lived in todays world with no modifications then yes you could stray from your destiny. Or at least a blue jetstream eminating from your chest. However given thae fact that i myself have never had a Darko Spear encounter i would have to believe moreso in the Christian Ideology of destiny. In a dumbed down situation. I wake up. My surroundings are my typical room. I have two seperate ideas in my head on what i want for breakfast. (This is such a long answer omg i am so sorry if your still reading.) There is Cereal or Eggs. Now for simplicities sake lets say i only have those two choices cuz thats all i have in the house its all i want etc etc... So now i am standing in my kitchen staring at the two possible choices. Cabinet for Cereal or refridgerator for eggs. *Pause* Now in "Gods Plan" by Neitzsche I dont have the option. He already knows which one i am going to choose and thus the only way i can forsee my destiny is if god reveals it, in one manor or another. For example Prophecy. So now in this example lets go with the revelation of prophecy and our hungry prophet gets a vision. *Play* His head throbs and he suddenly gets a flash of a picture of a chicken in his head and then it dissapears. AHA! Shouts the prophet "God wants me to eat eggs!" He cooks the eggs quickly and begins chewing until an ungodly sharp, fraction of an eggshell slices his throat open 3 inches wide. Leaving his throat open for blood to pulsate fast at first out of the wound. Sliding down his throat into his lungs. While he hacks and coughs hoplessly opening the wound deeper allowing more crimson blood to stain his bloor cutting his supply of oxygen. His eyes wide staring up at only but his cat, watching curiously as to why her gasping master didnt realize that when he set his glass egg mixing bowl down and began stirring it with his favorite chicken decorated Egg beater. A small portion of the ancient metal relic broke off into his food. Now with our heroes last dying breath he curses god and why he would condemn the poor prophet with the command to eat eggs. The poor misguided fool. Was it his destiny to eat the eggs and die? Was it his destiny to know that the Egg beater would kill him? or was it really just his destiny to eat the Kellogs cornflakes in his cabinet with the giant chicken as its mascot. Only God knows and even if we have knowledge of our destiny its never going to be as straight foward as a Darko Spear. But if it is that person can break the concept of destiny. I hope i answered the questions at hand. Although i would really like to continue riting about the prophets demise i shant.

::Yawn::

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 18:03:25 GMT

I did it again. Trust, Love, Concern, Selflessness. Wow I must be the biggest fool ever, you would think i would learn at least once from the 8 times I have been with people. 2 I screwed up and I think i have learned never to ignore a girl for even a day, and also never to date someone just to try to help them self realize. Now i stand on another milestone of mental growth. After 5 times of being thrown away,cheated on, used or even having not been there for one of my x's for even 5 seconds, and her killing herself. (Kal if you can hear or read my thoughts I am drastically sorry.) I just can't help but think if a girl cheats on you is it your own fault? If a girl walks away from you after saying she loves you and stops caring is it my fault? Maybe it is... Maybe I just didnt try hard enough. But now, I have another question why do i love something I will never have. It is like loving the stars. You can stare at their beauty for ever and marvel at their brightness. But no matter how you reach another star is closer and I am probably not even in the same galaxy. So why do i bother? I couldnt tell you. But i will tell you this maybe its better that i just go back to the empty sky i have always lived with where there is nothing there but the moon which only reflects myself. I will never obtain myself either but its damn well better than trying to reach for burning balls of gas. All that would do is tear me apart.

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control.
I love you no more.

Part 4..... I didnt think it would go this far...

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 03:39:45 GMT

Korina scrambled over the bodies, slipping on blood. She saw only her mother on the floor, half sitting, leaning against the far wall near an overturned table. Her mother watched her come. Korina couldn't stop screaming, couldn't breathe through her hysterical cries.
Her mother, covered in blood, eyelids half closed, looked as if she were falling asleep. But she had that spark of joy at seeing Korina. Always that spark in her eyes. Her face had bloody streaks from big fingers down the side. She smiled her beautiful smile at seeing her Korina.
"Baby..." she whispered.
Korina couldn't make herself stop screaming, shaking. She didn't look down at the awful red wounds.
She saw only her mother's face.
"Mama, Mama, Mama."
One arm embraced her. Her other was gone. Her knife arm gone.
The one around Korina was love and comfort and shelter.
Her mother smiled a weary smile. " Baby...you did good. Now, listen to me."
The cloaked man was working frantically to tie something arond what was left of her mother's right arm, trying to stem the tide of blood Her mother only saw Korina.
"I'm here, Mama. Everything will be fine. I'm here. Mama-don't die-don't die. Hold on, Mama. Hold on."
Korina just began seeing the true scene surrounding her.

Story Part 3

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 01:57:57 GMT

Her vision was narrowing to a black tunnel. Her chest burned. It hurt so much. So much.
Sound was muffled.
She heard a bone-jarring thunk.
The man in front of her, squeezing her throat, staggered once as his head jerked.
It made no sense to her. His grip went slack. She gasped an urgent breath. His head tipped foward. A crescent-bladed axe was embedded in the back of the man's neck, severing his spine.
The axe handle swung in an arc as he dropped. A cloaked man, measured fury with white hair, stood behind him. The last man let go of her arm. His other fist brought up a blood-slicked sword. The white haired man was faster than the assassin. Korina was even faster than the white haired man.
Time began to slow in her mind, Rage began to fill the voids in her mind that were logical. The assassin that was once a threat became nothing more than a defenseless pup in her mind. She cried out, an animal sound, savage, nbridled, terror and fury. Her broken blade slashed across the side of the man's neck.
Her half blade ripped bone-deep, cut the artery, severed muscles. He screamed. Blood seemed to float, suspended in midair, as the man pitched against the far wall on his way down. She'd swung so hard she fell sprawling with him.

Sorry

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 18:36:50 GMT

Sorry i havent updated in a while i have had a few writers blocks and a really bad couple of nights. But today i am on top of the world so to speak. I have solved all my issues and am back in the game. I will definately write something tonight. Although i doubt any of you care that much.

An ode to an "X"

Sat, 07 Aug 2004 04:27:54 GMT

I dont know why I am expressing my thought on line to all the world. Maybe because I feel so alone, or maybe i just feel like if i do she will somehow understand me more.
I am just going to type as though you were there....foolish huh?
I miss you and i am sorry. I know you say its not my fault but how can i not feel this way. My life seems so empty now. My heart same as forementioned life. My soul has naught but pain. But it all doesnt matter because i know deep inside that i got the chance to love you the way no other will ever. I got to experience something with you that noone will ever understand besides me. The memories will always be there. Helping you in the elevator with your backpack. The first night we hung out and watched the crow. The next night we hung out and watched edward scissorhands. Going home and thinking about how i had finally meet "The One" Our inumberable amounts of movie goings. To applebees, shortly before or after. Florida and sleeping and waking up whole knowing you are right there near me. Going to block island having a grad time Walking to and from the crystal clear water. My whale watching excursion... Countless nights listening to "Roll the bones" and pondering life. 5-6 hour conversations about Donnie Darko. All these things are great but you know the greatest part of the relationship. Watching you and i grow togther. From when we were practically both kids in the beggining to becoming what we are today. And doing it togther. I miss you. God i miss you... Looking into your green eyes my pain in every aspect burned away as our souls intertwined for even just the few minutes we may have had some times. But it didnt matter how short of a time i had with you knowing I always had more. I can be an asshole i know that and maybe breaking up with you on 4 different occassions was the worst thing i could have done. Correction it was. I only tried to protect myself from the pain i thought was inevitable. I always felt unequal to you. Knowing the person you were inside. Protected by your icy cold appearance somtimes i didnt know how to affect you in arguments. So i did the only thing i knew how to do as a male...I sruck at the core of femininity, I struck at your heart. Unknowingly severing our relationship 1\5 of a whole at a time. I wish i could go back in time and start back at the beggining and hold you in my arms whle watching a movie or next to you on a plane, or jst look into your eyes one last time. But now i know that it is over for ever...I have shattered something as i always do. Except this was the very thing i wished to have forever. The other half of myself. I hope one day soon...You will understand That the reason i am not seeking happieness alone is the true fact that happieness can only be found with others. Or with large sums of money. :) And we all know the only person with that much money is Gates. Please Please understand i only want you to be happy...I love you and i am sorry...

Story Part 2

Sat, 07 Aug 2004 04:05:02 GMT

The handle of his blade shown the Ornate "L", sideways below his ear, reflected sparkles of firelight. The point of the knife jutted from the other side of his bull neck. He wore a wet red shirt.
With cold fright, she saw a man coming for her.
Gripping her broken knife, she scrambled to her feet, turning toward the threat She saw her mother on the floor. A man held her by the hair. There was blood everywhere.
Nothing seemed at all real.
In a nightmare vision, she was her mother's severed arm on the floor, fingers slack and open. Red stab wounds. Blood oozing out of the orifices, keeping at a spot on the floor.
Panic ruled her mind. She heard her own short, choppy screams. Wet blood, splashed across the floor, glistened in the firelight. Whirling movement. A man slammed into her, driving her to the wall. She lost her breath. Pain crushed her chest.
"Surrender." Her mind pleaded with her.
"No!" Her own voice no seemed unreal.
She slashed with her broken knife, ripping into her assasailant's arm. He bellowed a vile curse.
the man holding Korina's mother dropped her and made for Korina . She stabbed wildly, frantically, at the men around her. Steel, sweat and man-like blurs all whirling around her, reaching hands shot toward her from all around, closing in. A huge hand clamped her thrashing knife arm.
Korin gasped a fetal cry. She struggled, savagely, to stay a release from the intense grip on her wrist. She kicked. She bit. Men cursed. In a brief moment she felt a powerful thrust to her throat. The man sneered as he crushed her windpipe. Pain shot up through her temples. Her sight was all she had left. His cheek, slasher by her knife, laid open from ear to mouth, ran with gouts of blood. She could see glistening red teeth through the gaping wound.
Korina struggled, but couldn't pull a breath. A fist slammed her stomach. She kicked him. He seized her ankle before she could kick him again. One was dead. Two had her. Her mother down.
*****************************
Cliffhanger I think so....

Fri, 06 Aug 2004 07:26:29 GMT

Terror, not technique.
Desperation, not design.
The man's blocky face was clearly lit by the fire from the hearth. He plunged toward her. A monster with stringy wet hair. Straining sinew and muscle twisted in rage. The knife in her fist whipped around, powered by stark terror.
Her cry was a growl of panicked effort. Her knife slammed into the side of his head. The blade snapped at midlength as it hit his cheekbone. His head twisted from the impact. Blood splashed across his face.
Swinging madly, his meaty hand walloped her face. Her shoulder hit the wall behind her powerfully. A shock of pain lanced through her arm deep to the bone. She stumbled on something. Thrown off balance, she tumbled past her footing.
Her face smacked the floor beside another of the huge men. He was like the dead soldier she had buried earlier that day. Her mind grasped at snatches of what she was seeing, trying to make sense of it. Where did they come from? How were they inside her house?
Her leg was draped over the man's still legs. She pushed herself up. He was slumped against a wall. His dead eyes stared, peirced through her straight into her soul...
More to come.... I hope its okay so far

If pigs could fly, and chickens could bark, and cats could swim...wouldn't that be cool??

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 21:50:10 GMT

Dear NovemberRain04,

This question frightens me on so many levels. One, Cat's can swim. For example Tigers do not like to swim but are one of the worlds best not aquatic swimmers. Do you know why cats do not llike to swim? Hmmm....Maybe if you ask nicely I will explain it to you. Second, If chickens could bark....Lets say that chickens were conditionally taught how to bark. For instance, if you raised a chick from birth, and everytime it chirped you jolt it with a 12 volt shock and then you play a bark sound from a tape recorder 1 minute later and give it a pellet meal. After a few months of following these rules you then take away the recording and only when the bird does a deeper squeak even relatively close to a bark not a chirp. You feed it. Of course you are saying, what if it doesnt do you just not feed it? Yes my foolish friend but feed it minimally...Very minimally. Eventually, the bird will either adapt to lower pitch chirping, it will bark or it will die. In any scenario it will still be butchered by blood hungry fast food craving americans who want it deep fried and with potato wedges and they want it in 3 minutes or less....Oh and by the way if pigs could fly we would just get used to that fact, and hunt them for sport instead of pheasants.

Thanks for your comment
novemberrain04.

Quotes

Tue, 03 Feb 2004 21:32:15 GMT

"H20 the very essence of life. And you made me choke on it. You ass."
-Mike

**"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option"**
-Me

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?
-Me to Cara

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
-Cara

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Someone but said by Chris

One nice thing about egotists; they don't talk about other people.
-Jon

smart // Smarter than most ... not all though
moody // extream ups and downs throughout ?????Smart yet spells extrEME extream?????
-Satan
Being Updated***************

Questions

Tue, 03 Feb 2004 21:20:59 GMT

Please Leave your obscure questions about the universe on this page as comments i will answer them in my journal pages. Shouldnt this be fun... And yes I love snow skiing.So please die Melissa.

Quote of the day-

"What is your favorite hobby being the worlds biggest ***** bag?!
-Satan

Melissa's Crappy Test

Tue, 03 Feb 2004 20:57:03 GMT

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results

Sociability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Gregariousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Activity Level	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Excitement-Seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Enthusiasm	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Trust	\|\|\|	10%
Morality	\|\|\|\|\|\|	18%
Altruism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Cooperation	\|\|\|	10%
Modesty	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Sympathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Friendliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	32%
Competence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Neatness	\|\|\|	10%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Achievement	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Self-Discipline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Anxiety	\|\|\|	10%
Anger	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Depression	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Self-Consciousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Impulsiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Vulnerability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Artistic Interests	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Emotionality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Liberalism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%

Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test